the lambasting blog
Lambaste the pests of this world! Run through the mud the scum of the earth! Humiliate the would-be somebodies who mock their fellow human beings for daring to be braver than they are! Three good causes championed by THIS VERY BLOG! Enjoy - especially if you're one of the pests EXPOSED HERE! Believe me - you DON'T want to tick me off and wind up exposed here!Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Series Review - the proper way!
DAMN YOU BASTARD CANADIENS FANS
ISN'T IT ENOUGH THAT YOUR CROOKED DIVING TEAM *STOLE* ANOTHER SERIES FROM THE FAR-MORE DESERVING BOSTON BRUINS
YOU DARE SHOVE THE FEW, BRAVE BRUINS FANS THAT SHOW UP AT YOUR DAMNABLE HAUNTED BUILDING, AFTER THE GAME,
BUT THEN YOU ALSO DARED MAKE A MOCKERY OF GOD, THE HOLY MASS, RELIGIOUS SACREMENTS AND *FAITH* BEFORE THE GAME TOO
WITH SOME OF YOU MORONS GOING AS FAR AS GOING TO THE ONLY PLACE OF ANY WORTH THAT YOU HAVE ON THE WHOLE BLAMED ISLAND OF MONTREAL, ST-JOSEPH'S ORATORY, TO ALLEGEDLY "PRAY" FOR YOUR BELOVED CANADIENS TO "WIN"...
ANOTHER MORON AMONG YOU RABBLE WENT FURTHER THAN THAT; DRESSING UP AS A PRIEST AND STAGING WHAT APPEARED TO BE MORE OF A BLACK MASS CEREMONY (COMPLETE WITH NEAR-VOODOO RITUALS) IN ORDER TO "EXORCISE" THE BOSTON BRUINS SUPERIOR WORK ETHIC AND INSURE THAT YOUR FLOPPY CANADIENS WOULD STEAL ANOTHER ONE...
AND NOW, PERHAPS, SOME OF YOU IDIOTS WILL ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT ***GOD*** TRULY HEEDED YOUR SO-CALLED "PRAYERS"
THAT GOD WAS ON YOUR SIDE IN THIS...
THAT YOU ACTUALLY WON IT - DIDN'T STEAL IT, IN TRUTH AND FACT!
WHAT MIGHT LEAD YOU FURTHER ASTRAY LIKE THIS ARE THE INANE PSEUDO-ANALYSES OF A DWEEB LIKE MITCH MELNICK (WHO HAS MORE IN COMMON WITH MÉNICK, THE BARBER, THAN WITH ANY SEMBLANCE OF A PROFESSIONAL BROADCASTER) AND 1001 COPYWRITERS WHO WILL SUM UP THE SERIES WITH THE ADJECTIVES "EMPHATIC" AND "RESOUNDING" IN REGARD TO THE SEVENTH GAME...
NOTHING THOUGH - I REPEAT: NOTHING - COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH, YOU DAMN FOOLS!
THE BOSTON BRUINS DOMINATED THE TEMPO FROM GAME 2, THIRD PERIOD AND OVERTIME, TO GAME 7, UP UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE OF PLAY TOO!!!
THE ONLY REASON WHY THEY ONLY WON GAMES 3, 5 AND 6 IS THAT THE REST OF THE TIME, THEY WOULD CLEANLY BEAT YOUR OVER-RATED GOALIE - BUT IT WOULD HIT THE POST AND STAY OUT.
DEFENSEMAN ZDENO CHARA'S HARD SHOTS, MOST OF WHICH WOULD HAVE FOUND A WAY THROUGH THE PADDING OF YOUR AFOREMENTIONED OVER-RATED GOALIE, WOULD BE BLOCKED BY YOUR DIVING SQUAD, IN OBVIOUS DESPERATION IT WOULD SEEM...
AND, ASIDE FROM THAT, THE BRUINS ONLY GOT ONE GOAL THAT COULD BE DESCRIBED AS A "LUCKY BOUNCE" (WHEN YOUR OVER-RATED GOOFBALL OF A GOALIE GAVE THE PUCK BACK TOO QUICK AND A RESOLUTELY COMBATIVE GLEN METROPOLIT POUNCED ON IT AND PUT IT IN IMMEDIATELY! WELL DONE, GLEN!)
ALAS, THAT WAS *ONE* LUCKY BOUNCE - THE LONE ONE THE BRUINS HAD.
THE DAMN HABS, ON THE OTHER, AH, SKATE, HAD SO MANY - INCLUDING THE DAMN REFEREE HANDING YOU THE WINNING CONDITIONS IN GAME 2'S OVERTIME.
THE BRUINS SHOULD HAVE LED THE SERIES 2-1 AFTER THREE GAMES, NOT TRAILED IT 1-2.
THE STORY OF GAME 4 MIGHT HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT - BUT YOU DID SEE WHO WON *IN EMPHATIC AND RESOUNDING FASHION* AND EXTREMELY *CONVINCINGLY* GAMES 5 AND 6 - THE BOSTON BRUINS, BY SCORING TEN GOALS, *TEN* (10) *TEN* GOALS AGAINST YOUR SUPPOSEDLY "GREAT GOALIE"... AND HE WAS ONLY A DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE SECOUND-ROUNS, AGAINST PHILLY? PLEASE - BE HONEST, YOU DUMBASSES! THE BOSTON BRUINS ELIMINATED YOU BY DEFAULT, EVEN THOUGH YOU STOLE GAME 7 FROM THEM; THEY BANGED YOU UP SO BAD, YOU HAD NO ENERGY LEFT FOR ANYONE ELSE WHO CROSSED YOUR PATH (MUCH LESS "A LENGTHY DRIVE FOR 25" - HAHAHAHAHAHA) - *PLUS* THE BOSTON BRUINS EXPOSED YOUR WEAKNESSES FOR THE VERY NEXT TEAM, THE PHILADELPHIA FLYERS, TO EXPLOIT RIGHT AWAY...
THE BOSTON BRUINS ONLY BEGAN EXPLOITING IT ALL TOO LATE IN THEIR GAME TWO AGAINST YOU - AND DUE TO BOTH THE DAMN REFEREE AS WELL AS YOUR BRAINWASHING THAT HAD YOU *BELIEVE* SO MUCH THAT YOU WERE SUPERIOR (WHEN YOU'RE CLEARLY ***NOT***) YOU MANAGED TO GRASP THE TWO GAMES TO NONE LEAD STILL, AND EVEN THOUGHT YOU'D GET A THREE GAMES TO NOTHING LEAD, DIDN'T YOU, YOU MORONS?!?
NO ONE - CERTAINLY NOT MELNICK AND MÉNICK (AMALGAMATE THE TWO CLODS AND LET THEM CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT AND IMPLODE ALREADY - PLEASE!!!) ACTUALLY SAW THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER: THAT THOSE REGULAR SEASON LOSSES TO MONTREAL WERE AN UNFORTUNATE SEQUENCE OF FLUKES - THAT THE BOSTON BRUINS NOT ONLY COULD BUT *SHOULD* DEFEAT THE DAMN HABS! AND THEY VERY NEARLY DID SO TOO...
GAME SEVEN WAS AN EXTREMELY CLOSE AFFAIR, TO THE KNOWLEDGEABLE OBSERVER; UNTIL THE VERY LAST MINUTE OF PLAY, YES! THERE WAS NOTHING SPECTACULAR ABOUT THE HABS IN THAT GAME - NOTHING! THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN TRAILING AFTER ONE PERIOD; INSTEAD, THANKS TO A FLUKE GOAL AND BOSTON HITTING THREE POSTS (WITH, AGAIN, ZERO LUCKY BOUNCES) THEY LED 1-0. UNDESERVINGLY, IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING, I HOPE.
BOSTON DOMINATED THE 2ND PERIOD TOO, PRESSING TO TIE AND TAKE THE LEAD - INSTEAD, IN A MOMENT OF DEFENSIVE INSOUCIANCE DUE TO THEIR OFFENSIVE OUTPOUR, THE BRUINS WERE VICTIMIZED BY TWO LUCKY CANADIENS BOUNCES IN THE LAST TWO MINUTES OF PLAY IN THE 2ND PERIOD - AND THAT IS HOW IT GOT TO BE 3-0.
A MORONIC OBSERVER, LIKE MITCH, LOOKS AT THIS AND SAYS "THREE NOTHING HABS - THE SERIES IS ALMOST WON, FOLKS" BECAUSE HE HAS TO PLEASE HIS DAMNABLE AUDIENCE... AND KEEP HIS JOB!! GUYS LIKE THAT, WHO KISS SO MUCH ASS THEY BECOME SHITBREATHS, MAKE ME WANNA PUKE...
PERIOD NUMBER *3* WAS MORE OF THE SAME: THE BRUINS PRESSING TO SCORE QUICK AND OFTEN, NEEDING TO, OF COURSE. NEVER DID I SEE ANY DESPERATION OR FRUSTRATION IN THEM - WHAT A RESILIENT AND BRAVE BUNCH THEY ARE, THE BOSTON BRUINS. THEY KNEW THAT, WITHIN THREE SHOTS, THEY COULD TIE THE GAME. BUT THOSE SHOTS WERE BEING BLOCKED OR BEING REDIRECTED OFF THE NET. IF THEY FOUND THEIR MARK, THEY HIT THE POSTS OR WERE SLOWED DOWN BY ANOTHER DIVING CANADIEN BLOCKER, AND THEN THEY COULD BE SEEN AND EITHER DEFLECTED OR EVEN CAUGHT BY THE OVER-RATED GOALIE. AND STILL THE BOSTON BRUINS PERSEVERED AND NEVER QUIT TRYING, DOMINATING THE PLAY SO MUCH THAT THE ENTIRE THIRD PERIOD FLEW BY, AT A FAST TEMPO, WITH THE BRUINS KEEPING CONTROL OF THE PUCK MOST OF THE DAMN TIME - BUT THE DAMN PUCK WAS NOT BOUNCING FOR THEM, AT ALL.
AND WHEN THE LAST MINUTE OF PLAY WAS ANNOUNCED, IT WAS CLEAR THAT THE TASK WAS IMPOSSIBLE NOW. OR NEAR-IMPOSSIBLE, AT ANY RATE. I HAVE SEEN THREE GOALS SCORED BY BOSTON AGAINST MONTREAL IN A LAST MINUTE OF PLAY BEFORE - IT WAS IN THE 1990s AND GLEN WESLEY SCORED THE THIRD ONE THAT TURNED A 2-0 LOSS INTO A 3-2 CLUTCH VICTORY FOR BOSTON AGAINST PATRICK ROY AND THE CANADIENS. BUT HERE, THREE GOALS WERE NEEDED ONLY TO TIE IT... ONCE AGAIN, A MOMENT OF LETDOWN IN THE FINAL MINUTE OF PLAY, DUE TO THE REALIZATION THAT THE EVIL COULD NOT BE UNDONE, LED TO A LUCKY STEAL AND A PUCK SLIPPING INTO BOSTON'S NET.
EVER THE EVIL ONES, THE DAMN HABS KEPT FORECHECKING IN ORDER TO BALLOON UP THE SCORE AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE IT WAS "EASY" - EASIER THAN IT WAS, OF COURSE. SO THEY STOLE THE PUCK AGAIN AND SLIPPED IN ANOTHER WHEN THE BRUINS WERE ALREADY THINKING OF NEXT YEAR, IN ACTUALITY... AND THAT IS HOW IT GOT TO BE A FINAL SCORE OF "5-0" - NOT BECAUSE OF ANY HABS DOMINATION, AT ALL! NOT BECAUSE OF ANY "EMPHATIC" RESPONSE ON THE PART OF THE CANADIENS TO THE BRUINS' RESILIENCE - AT ALL!
THAT IS THE SINGLE FINAL SCORE THAT *LIES* AND MISLEADS MORE THAN ANY OTHER I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! (No wonder I have to blog about it - here - and in all-caps too!)
THE BRUINS LOST THAT GAME - BUT THEY SHOULD HAVE WON THE SERIES IN THE PREVIOUS FIVE GAMES!
WELL, AS I SAID, THEY DID IT BY DEFAULT!
IT WAS THEIR RELENTLESS WORK ON YOU, HABS, MAULING YOU FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME, DURING ALL SEVEN GAMES, THAT MADE YOU LOSE SO FAST TO THE FLYERS!
PLUS, OF COURSE, THAT BITCH, LADY LUCK, FINALLY QUIT BEING ON YOUR SIDE!
AND EVEN THE DAMN REFEREES DIDN'T GIVE YOU ANY BOOST - HOW SHOCKING IT MUST HAVE BEEN FOR CARBO, EH?
I WOULD BE REMISS IF I DIDN'T MENTION THE ABYSMAL MASSES, IN THE POST-GAME SEVEN FRACAS ON THE GRIMY STREETS OF THAT MOST SICKENING OF TOWNS, MONTREAL...
OVER 60 PUNKS WERE ARRESTED IN THE SUBSEQUENT WEEKS - AND, IN ORDER TO CLEAR THE TEAM AS WELL AS THE CITY, THE AUTHORITIES CLAIM THAT THOSE PUNKS ARE *NOT* CANADIENS FANS AND MAYBE NOT EVEN FROM THE CITY AT ALL...
SURE, BLAME IT ALL ON TOURISTS AND THE NEIGHBORING OUT-OF-TOWNERS, THE "450"S AS YOU SO DISCRIMINATIVELY CALL THEM... YOU MAKE ME SICK, MORONTREAL!
THEY RIOTED ON A LARK, WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF A GAME OF SIGNIFICANCE BEING PLAYED THAT NIGHT - RIGHT?
YOU MONTREAL CLOUSEAUS TAKE THE CAKE, REALLY!
AS SPIN DOCTORS, YOU SUCK VERY BADLY, THOUGH!
AND, BY THE WAY - SO WHAT IF A CLEAR *MINORITY* OF BOSTON FANS, UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL (YOU GOTTA LOVE YOUR SAMUEL ADAMS!) OF COURSE, ALLEGEDLY DID SIMILAR THINGS TO YOU, WAYWARD HABS FANS, HUH?
AS PREVIOUSLY STATED, YOU SHOVED BRUINS FANS AROUND, EVEN AFTER STEALING VICTORY FROM THEIR TEAM... WHY BE SURPRISED THAT YOU GOT THE SAME TREATMENT WHEN IN BOSTON? ALLEGEDLY, SOME BOSTON FANS PEED ON HABS FANS SITTING ON A DECK BELOW - THAT GOES WELL WITH THE "GALLERY GODS" MINDSET PREVALENT AMONGST KNOWLEDGEABLE (EVEN IF SLIGHTLY INTOXICATED) BOSTON HOCKEY FANS... AND IT ALSO ADHERES TO THE MENTALITY DISPLAYED SO WHIMSICALLY ON THIS IMAGE.
(Look for picture #29.)
THE OPPOSITE VERSION ALSO EXISTS, I'M SURE. WHAT DOES *NOT* EXIST IN BOSTON ARE BLASPHEMES, NEAR-BLACK MASSES TO CURSE THE HABS AND STEAL VICTORY FOR THE LOCAL TEAM, DISHONORING THE EQUIVALENT OF THE ORATORY IN THE SAD, SICKENING PROCESS... NO, FOLKS, *THAT* IS NOT DONE IN BOSTON (NOT TO FAVOR THE BRUINS ANYWAY!)
IT IS MOST UNFORTUNATE, ALSO, THAT TWO OF THESE BOSTON FANS WHO HAD BEEN DRINKING AND PROBABLY ARE ALSO CELTICS FANS (BY THAT I MEAN; THEY HAVE SHOWN TO HAVE IRISH TEMPERAMENT, IN THEIR SYSTEM, SOMEWHERE...!) WENT BALLISTIC AT THE SIGHT OF A MORONIC CANADIENS FAN WHO LACKED ANY FAINT HINT OF *COMMON SENSE*...
STILL, THAT WAS *ONE INCIDENT* IN ALL OF BOSTON - ONE BEATING, IN COMPARISON TO SEVERAL HOURS OF "WAR ZONE ACTION" IN MONTREAL, ON THE SAME NIGHT FOLLOWING THE DISAPPOINTING GAME 7...
NOW *THAT* WAS WELL-DESERVED, MONTREAL!
YOU DID GET WHAT YOU DESERVED IN 2008 AFTER ALL! NOT A STANLEY'S ASHTRAY PARADE BUT A COSTLY RIOT, WITH TONS AND TONS OF DAMAGES, ARRESTS, INJURIES AND THE TARNISHED-FOREVERMORE REPUTATION OF THE WRETCHED TOWN THAT LOSES ALL OF ITS *MAJOR* SPORTS FRANCHISES!
WELL DONE!
ALL I CAN SAY TO ALL THIS, IN CONCLUSION, BEYOND OBJURGATING AND LAMBASTING YOU DISMAL CANADIEN FOLK, IS THIS:
CURSE YOU, BLIND AND EVEN BLASPHEMOUS NOW, TOTAL AND COMPLETE *MORONS* OF A SO-CALLED NATION -
LA NATION QUÉBÉCOISE "PURE LAINE"
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