the lambasting blog

Lambaste the pests of this world! Run through the mud the scum of the earth! Humiliate the would-be somebodies who mock their fellow human beings for daring to be braver than they are! Three good causes championed by THIS VERY BLOG! Enjoy - especially if you're one of the pests EXPOSED HERE! Believe me - you DON'T want to tick me off and wind up exposed here!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Let's Get Ready To Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrummmmmmbleeeeee...!!!

In-between the times Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck wrestled as a tag-team (in one of the single unfunniest cartoons ever) and Ren & Stimpy did (in one of the funniest ever) -
I thought up a concept gathering various anthropomorphic characters (funny animals, in layman's terms) that would mimic and parody all of the many zany antics of professional wrestling and the "sports entertainment" business and industry overall...! Many (but certainly not all) of the spoofs I devised are to be found here and the gist of the project is here.
You can imagine my displeasure at finding out that, anxious to embark upon Beanie Babies territory, the WWE has launched a plethora of "funny animal versions" of their "sports entertainment superstars" all their own - each one meticulously based upon their very real 'rasslin' ring counterparts, "animals" of sorts that they are to begin with...
Let's have a closer look at those critters - right here and now!

Ric Flair Plush Bear
The most “stylin’ and profilin’” addition to the WWE Plush Bear family has arrived with “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair’s rendition of these lovable friends. From the expensive, glitter-covered entrance robe to the slick golden locks, this nearly foot-and-a-half tall collectible is a spitting-image of the 16-time World Champion. Bring the incomparable luster of this legendary sports-entertainer into your home and experience an endless amount of smiles while admiring it’s Flair-like attributes!! 17” tall. Cotton, polyester, and nylon. Imported. (Hmm? Imported? I thought Flair was just as all-American as... ah... that darn Hogan actually! Oh well...)

Hmm - nicely cut promo... I guess? Oh - that one doesn't count as kayfabe or anything...? Ok, sorry! But it should have been lustre not luster - the former has more, ah, flair to it! ;)
And there are other boo-boos there too...
But I digress... Whooooooo!

At $14.98 (25% worth of savings) it is a steal - and I cannot withhold from mentioning the pleasant discovery that the downright yucky "Hulk Hogan Plush Bear" is offered at 33% off (going for less than the Flair Bear hence, at only $13.40! Well-deserved putdown, I say! Shouldn't it have been a Hulk Hogan Hogwild Plush Hog anyway?!? *LOL* ;)

Quite frankly, if the Flair Bear is not available (they'll fly off the shelves, these collectors' items, I tell ya!) I'd get a Big Show Plush Bear (pictured on top of the heap here - even though he has got to be the most boring performer, in his category, of all-time) or a -yikes- John Cena CG Marine Plush Bear - if I were you! Even a hokey Undertaker Plush Bear (yikes!) is preferable to Hogan! ANYTHING BUT HOGAN! (Hmm - now THAT should have been the title of his reality-TV show! *ROTFLMBO" Have a peek at the ''Undertakerbear'' at the bottom of this piece right here; aye, it is NOT easy to tell what it is truly based upon! Looks like Wyatt Earp to me... Could have been one of those D.O.A. chumps or one of the Southern Justice guys - or even Outback Jack?!? *LOL*)
Note also: I advise all of you not to get the Shawn Michaels Plush Bear - way too tacky for my taste and yours! Trust me! And the same goes for the Randy Orton Plush Bear (his dad, Cowboy Bob Orton, made for the worst old WWF action figures too...! It must be an anti-merchandising gene they've got...?)
Kudos though, somehow, to the well done Batista Plush Bear (being the Animal, it helps being believable as a teddy bear I guess?!?) and Carlito Plush Bear too...! Have a Barbie keep him company (Barb will fill in for bimboesque Torrie Wilson...!)

Actually - getting an Eugene Plush Bear (seen below) will be almost something akin to putting out a poor beastling out of its misery - they're down to 40% off and, at $11.98, they're dirt cheap in the world of "WWESHOP" merchandise hawked at you ever so subtly...!

I am just perplexed not to see a "Triple H Plush Bear" included in there...
What - no fluffy stuff for the son-in-law of the empire? Why not? Is he afraid to see the fans beat the stuffing out of his replica the next time he goes overboard (like, I dunno, let's randomly pick an example here; oh yeah, got it - the time when he planted a screwdriver into the forehead of his IDOL, legendary ROLE-MODEL and MENTOR even! New lows for ingrates everywhere to "aspire" to...? I guess that is part of the "WWE attitude" - or is that passé too? Never mind that now...)
A teddy bear carrying around a sledge hammer (not to mention a bloodied screwdriver) is a bit of a hard sell too - that is, if I understand anything at all about the toy and collectibles family-friendly business...!
Maybe a Great Khali plush atrocity is to be expected next... And don't forget the Little Bastard... I mean, "Hornswoggle" McMahon, of course! (What a nice P.C. name - well, it was up until it got affixed the McMahon family name! Joking! ;)

My toyline (since, for starters, diversification of the merchandising can potentially know no bounds with a good concept; such as mine, that is) and, hence, my concept has an edge to it, still... One that this latest bit of WWE merchandizing cannot match!
In my project, there are true characters WITH character! Characters with a RAISON D'ÊTRE...! Characters meant to make you think, not just laugh from the corner of your mouth.
They are all fun, educational, fully fleshed-out characters in their own right; not mere cutesy-wootsy fluffy derivatives of mere shadows of characterization made out of clichés and lame humor pieced together with all the style and finesse of a butcher wrapping up your sirloin steaks...!
But that is -mercifully- another story, yes...! For another blog...

Rest assured of that!