the lambasting blog

Lambaste the pests of this world! Run through the mud the scum of the earth! Humiliate the would-be somebodies who mock their fellow human beings for daring to be braver than they are! Three good causes championed by THIS VERY BLOG! Enjoy - especially if you're one of the pests EXPOSED HERE! Believe me - you DON'T want to tick me off and wind up exposed here!

Wednesday, May 06, 2020

FREE PREVIEW THIS!

How sweet to see this, all of a sudden,

out of the blue now: multiple

FREE PREVIEWS

on a handful of selected channels

-meticulously selected, I am sure-

as these are the specialty channels

that *they* know that *you* want...!

T+E

comes to the fore, first ~

with their promise that

they are the only place

where you can find

THE ORIGINAL CHARMED...

... as if anybody out there truly wants /

truly needs to get their DAILY FIX of

pre #METOO Rose McGowan,

along with a reminder of those dark times when

the likes of Holly Marie Combs and Alyssa Milano

were actually important TV PRODUCERS...

(No, we won't even mention the rest of the cast ~

especially not the Beverly Hills 90210 refugee;

poor her, she is ill.)

... as if the new CW latina version of the

very improbable (totally impossible) trio of

"good witches" with powers that are just

out of this world was not bad enough

permeating the airwaves when worthier,

far more imaginative (in a GOOD way)

TV shows never saw the light of day... !!!

That is followed by a double whammy
representing the last few decades
of sensational vapid television:
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
(the brain-child of eventual Marvel hack
Joss Whedon; whom we despise more than
that silly Sheldon ever despised Wil Wheaton ~
ever, ever in his life ~ allegedly! Whatever...)
and the Vertigo/DC Comics inspired
iZombie

You gotta admit it:
after witches do their thing -
it is logical vampires and zombies
would be crawling about!

WITCHES, VAMPIRES and ZOMBIES

~ plus a never-ending supply of "real"

ghost stories/paranormal encounters!

Oops ~ got carried away there!

Thou shalt not confuse T+E with A&E ~ ever!

(Although, these days... Okay, let us not get into that!)

Blame it on YT...

And the CW too, maybe...

After just a couple of days

of said programming, I tell you ~

you will find yourselves

regurgitating ectoplasma or something -

guaranteed!!!

NEXT... C+I

a.k.a.

CRIME+INVESTIGATION

and their latest clever attempt

to lure in subscribers, once

that wretched free preview is all

said, prosecuted, filed and done,

is to add the most unlikely

"not-so-old" / still relatively recent

"criminal investigation with a twist"

kind of show to their little line-up:

...after headlining things up for seasons on end

on a variety of other networks (including syfy and showcase)

this was bound to happen: it winds up

where it has no business at all.

She might have been "live" on SHOWCASE (doubt it)

but even now, in reruns, she remains LIVE EVIL alright...

in disguise! (The old "wolf in a wolf's clothing" joke pops up

with frightening regularity on the show: or so I am told!)

So, whereas T+E has the old

tried and proven "WVZ" combo

(again: witches, vampires & zombies)

a specialty channel like C+I goes with

succubi, fae and, again, witches

(oh - and werewolves! Don't forget

the wolfies now; cheap, basement

bargain type of wolves, really ~

it is not like the producers of Lost Girl

could afford Thriller-like transformations

for every other episode now...!!!

Still: they count as one of them

is a vital part of the show ~

the crime investigative part of it, too!
A major reason why C+I went for this:
"SFWW" thus; dangerously close to
SJW... wow! But I digress...)

A new audience can discover this drivel now:

the entertaining if -again- altogether improbable

and impossible (even with copious amounts of true blue

suspension of disbelief OR even if you actually believe

in the existence of succubi... fae... werewolves, etc!)

"saga" of a succubus that actually fights for good

- even though she is LOST. (The titular Lost Girl - duh!)

On top of making one of those the most unlikely

"stupor-hero" of all-time, they create a ridiculous

divide between the Fae: as if there was a need for

Light and Darkness sub-categories there...!

These are not even worth anything as both act

about the same way in the world: unaccountable

for most everything they do, too...

When true evil pops up (be it the Baba Iaga or

whatever else they cannot concoct a way of

using profusely as alluring, bodacious false force

for good!) it is cannon fodder for a one-off

episode - because you gotta have casualties,

of some KIND - eventually!

And the forensics... well, they are minimal

but they are there - in another bodacious form

for the succubus to tap into, too!

There were a number of alternatives for C+I out there,

ripe for the taking: PROFILER comes to mind

with Ally Walker starring as a forensic psychologist type

of crime investigator endowed with psychic abilities...

THIS would have been ideal for C+I to add to

their programming or stick with, through and

throughout the coming decade - but, given that this is

already more than 20 years old, it is deemed unfit

- maybe archaic, too? And it actually ended its

original run on NBC in the year 2000...!

Psychics are OUT, anyways ~

the one exotic, supernatural thing that has

a tiny bit of a toe solidly planted in reality

and it doesn't stand a chance anymore

up against superhero succubi, bloodsucking vigilante

and the other odd ilk that good old Kolchak

(the Night Stalker - hello?!? Not Kojak!)

used to warn us about...!!!

His estate will not be getting any residual income.

Ally Walker neither; her show is GONE.

Just like that Arquette chick who used to be psychic too;

she lost her show a long time ago... never to return!

And the Ghost Whisperer has had to recycle herself

as a mere dispatcher for 9-1-1...

Since 2012 -at least- a new breed of bizarre,

most unlikely types are presented as "heroes"

on various platforms, via various providers

which have, in turn, multiplied themselves too...

THE AWFUL PART OF THIS IS...

IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE!

FAR, FAR WORSE!!!

Instead of the Lost Girl succubus,

Crime+Investigation could have gone for

another show of the same ilk... Lucifer

They could have also gone for
another NBC offering of old ~
CONSTANTINE
thankfully, it was so very short-lived
that acquiring it didn't make sense;
and, besides, the character was
"salvaged" by the CW
who added him to their
"Legends of Tomorrow"
(if those are the kind of legends we're getting,
the future looks bleak alright!)

And do not get me started again

on the sad, sad case of SUPERNATURAL...

In so many ways, they started all this, on TV ~

before them, there wasn't such a mass

confused free-for-all mixture of

pagan lore with religious material

and other supernatural folk indeed

~ all in the same chaotic storyline!

You had angels -real ones-

on family-friendly shows such as

Highway To Heaven

and

Touched By An Angel

while the evil creatures of darkness

knew their roles and stuck to it

on classic, well-done shows such as

KOLCHAK THE NIGHT STALKER,

SHADOW CHASERS,

DARK SHADOWS,

THE X-FILES

and

G vs E

"Good vs Evil" - whatever it was called...!

Again: it is twenty years-old!!!

NO, NO, NO ~
if you really want some crime investigation
with a tinge of the supernatural in it on your
screen - whatever size it may be -
I suggested this crap instead: