Labels: Appalling, beheading, Death, Fake, goof, History, horrible, jerk, Only GOD Is GOD, SUCKS, TV, YT

Boycott Gillette, I say!

They are behind this fraudulent piece of viral crap seen all over the web recently:



Gillette coughed up the considerable amount of cash necessary to make a run-of-the-mill baseball player look like a home plate demi-god here - using copious amounts of CGI wizardry in order to accomplish the feat, that is!

All to conjure up, through the combination of not only computer-generated imagery but mostly the use of their celebrity sports spokesperson and endorser, the undeniable impression of being SMOOTH...! Or should I type SMOOOOOOOOOTH here?

Gillette is diabolical!

BOYCOTT GILLETTE!

And Evan Longoria and the Tampa Bay (formerly Devilish) Rays?
They can go to hell! They're NOT taking the east!

And neither will the accursed Tampa Bay Lightning!

Did I type lightning?
Thunder sucks too - either the NBA team
Or that pathetic THOR on the not-so silver screen (anymore)...!
THOR IS A SORE for the eye! The thinking man's eye!
Evan and Thor look like damnable twins, for crying out loud!
But that is another story...

SIMPLY GOTTA BASH'EM ALL!

Go and redistribute the lambasting evenly now, my brethren -
as I have done so right here on your favorite
lambasting blog!

:-)

:)

Labels: CGI, sports, SUCKS

Angels that are mere "soldiers/warriors of God" and that DIE on the Field... A Lilith that has too much free time on her hands, looks too much like a Clueless tart and/or an escapee from Buffy The Vampire Slayer's supporting cast - if not outright a Xena toughie - AND goes around like a headless chicken would... A guy who's seen IT ALL, such as Dean Winchester, uttering such foolish, idiotic lines such as "I don't believe in angels... or in a God" - WHEN HE'S SEEN ALL THE EVIL THAT EXISTS, AND FOUGHT IT OFF, OFTENTIMES, WITH SACRED OBJECTS, PRAYERS, INCANTATIONS AND TIME-HONORED "TRICKS" THAT COME STRAIGHT OUT OF... A HIGHER POWER! Because, without this Higher Power, there would be no way (in hell...?) to fight back all these unholy powers on a weekly basis...! Didn't daddy-o teach you THAT much, Dean-o?!? Oh, but then again this is the show that has you two studs SHOOTING GHOSTS - sure, that makes sense...! (They got all the bogus mythos for vampires right, and went with that crap "by the book" too - but when it comes to Biblical or more reliable (than Bram Stoker) folkloric references and traditions, they reinterpret, "reimagine" and reinvent them, in order to modernize and improve them - make it "cool" eh - rrrrrrrrrrright.) Such silly notions, freely distributed each and every episode these days, such as Lucifer only being freed to roam the earth NOW and Heaven's Angels (or is it soldiers) having only come back just recently too, to walk among man again - "for the first time in 2000 years...!" sayeth the second-rate actor chosen to portray this alleged angel - and he said it with a straight face too (maybe he's a better actor than I first thought after all - probably a better thespian than the entire regular Supercraptular cast too! But that is another story...) And the capper - 66 seals instead of just seven to crack open in order to ring in the Apocalypse! WHAT IS THIS SHIT?!? We are obviously hoping to milk this for all it's worth - and prolong the series' sustainable potential lifespan for the maximum number of seasons - eh? (This from a show that wasn't even sure it would last ONE season nor come back for a second one...!) We are taking A LOT of liberties with THE GOOD BOOK there, pallies - and yes, of course, the end result pales in comparison (as it always will) but that is not my point right now... When one decides to make up a sort of "appendix" to the BIBLE - one better make sure one knows the Source Material first! To begin with, it is written, WOE TO HE WHO ADDS OR SUBSTRACTS FROM THIS...! That means that the Winchester Brothers and crew are twice as cursed as before now - at least! Now, I know it is just TOO DAMN TEMPTING to "add to this..." - "this" being the Bible Prophecies for the End Times, in particular! I say "in particular" because it is not exclusively, quite obviously; Anne Rice is writing sort of "untold chapters" about Jesus-Christ's Life and Times - sort of his "secret years" being "reimagined" Hollywood-style? She thinks she is redeeming herself this way - it can go either way, really... She may be only digging herself into a new or deeper hole than she was in back when she cavorted with Memnoch and Lestat... Time will tell which it is; I wash my hands of this...! The brain trust behind "Supernatural" only succumbed to the exact same temptation as countless other scribes did before them - as I myself felt compelled to do, on MANY occasions too...! It is simply too tempting and flattering as well as self-serving to select oneself to be that one scribe who adds a chapter to the Eternal Struggle of Good Versus Evil - to become one of those SELECT ones that reveal to the world at large a so-called "secret chapter" of the Struggle...! Only to try and imagine what makes the first she-devil tick - what the rules of this conflict between Heaven and Hell really are - how things truly function between these realms, including ours, which is always the battleground and caught in-between... Ahh, to try and ADD (or indeed substract in a way that is dear to all "creators" these days - the "everything you thought you knew is wrong; here's how it really happened" way - which is clearly the Supernatural way too, by the way...) - while we are only able to interpret the Grand Scheme of Things with our very flawed eyes and comprehension... It is very edifying to merely ATTEMPT this, sure - I know it well for, in my own fiction, I've done it as well (and better, in truth!) and this despite fearing that I was infringing indeed the RULE mentioned here above... "THOU SHALL NOT ADD NOR SUBSTRACT FROM THIS" - that is rather very clear. I tried to get around that ever since, not adding nor substracting but merely writing in parallel, respectful of all the rules and only supplying "a bystander tale" type of thing, in all of my writing projects. I see no such efforts from any of those I lambaste here today (and many more I will not give any free publicity to, this day nor ever...!) hence, I shall ram into them with full force! It is downright pitiful for a tiny TV show to have the gall to try and tell us that the Bible needs rewriting - and here it is!? The scope is there but presented with such minimalistic means that it becomes a very small affair indeed; and that is very bad when we're dealing with Something that affects ALL of humanity - regardless of what religion you adhere to! I always thought that the future of all mankind would be poorly served by two redneck brothers on Route 666 - and I was right all along, as per usual. If these Winchester brothers really existed, they'd be no more than smalltime ghost-buster wannabees (in a real-life Smallville, perhaps...?) They would NOT be fighting major league opposition from Hades - especially not when they don't even believe in Everything...!!! Their weapons would NOT be guns either... One fights on with something else entirely when one faces off with the Ultimate Adversary and its legions; not ammo nor one's own two fists either (no matter how tempting it is, again...) All in all, I'm really disappointed in Supernatural - to the point that I say that, maybe, it would have been better if the show had never come back for a second season at all. Much less a third, fourth, etc...! That final episode of season one, in which the demons are taking over bodies EVERYWHERE and EVERYONE can be an enemy - and the two brothers and their dad have nowhere to hide, winding up seemingly dead when a demon takes over a trucker in order to crash into them on the highway; now THAT was plausible, logical and a fitting end too! Supernatural, just like all preceding, current and future efforts of the kind, have not and will never deliver convincingly in this sort of field - NOT EVEN WHEN THEY RESOLUTELY TAKE THE PRO-CHRISTIAN APPROACH (such as, per example, fighting off neo-folkloric vampires with crucifixes and holy water instead of karate kicks and stakes through the heart!) As for the Winchesters - they are not credible at all as "privileged ones who know things 99% of the population are in the dark about" - at all. Those who know too much are never allowed to roam free for too long; and who has more means and "contacts" that can shut up permanently anyone who spouts off too many "unspeakable truths" left and right, than the devil, huh? Truly the show should have ended then, in season one - and for me, henceforth, that is exactly where and how it ended. REST IN PEACE, SUPERNATURAL. Say hello to Shadow Chasers for me. (They, at least, knew better than to augment the scope; and then lose focus and credibility completely!) +++

Labels: Les démons de Minuit, SUCKS, TV

...


I cannot believe the nerve of these guys - issuing entire toylines based upon the flimsiest excuses for a series or mini-series (much less an "event"...) in order to milk it for all it's worth - and they make sure to always include one, two or three variants of an umpteenth Superman or damnable Batman figure in the mix, just to make sure they break even over all...?

The worst of the worst is their OVERUSE AND DOWNRIGHT ABUSE of the word CRISIS! (Poor Thomas Paine must be rolling in his grave - he who produced actual GREAT literary works with that catchy word; The American Crisis, Supernumerary Crisis and The Crisis Extraordinary...!)

R.I.P. THOMAS PAINE!

DC's abysmal IDENTITY CRISIS had a series of figures done! Those included even Elongated Man! Sheesh! The equally pathetic INFINITE CRISIS got a line of its own too - a sorry excuse for one, with an unrecognizable (read: "updated for the new millennium") OMAC and throwaway figures (or, if you prefer, "why-the-hell-did-they-bother-making-these-for" action figures) to the likeness of Alexander Luthor, an "Earth-Prime Superboy" (one of those ooky variants, I tell ya...) and a busty Power Girl that neither qualifies as an "action figure" nor as proper "eye candy" - therefore, she's obsolete!!!


The kicker is what you saw above - the hat trick completed with a line of figures excerpted from the classic CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS - a 22 year-old twelve issue mini-series (though they had taken to call them "maxi-series" when they reached 12 issues in length and were still, officially, only mini-series... That was a bad omen for all of DC, in retrospect - as, pretty soon, their new series launched were considered "hits" almost if they survived long enough to attain six issues of publication!!! But that is another story...)

The odd choices for figures there boggle the mind too:
a Psycho-Pirate; but no Pariah? Pariah had to be there, dammit! Where i Pariah? I didn't see him anyway - he does have a propensity to vanish all the time, y'know! Seems to me, also, that they truly were equaly pathetic in that saga, the pirate and the pariah - is it not nearly synonymous and interchangeable even? You make one, you have to make the other as well! Also, they bothered with a "Weaponer of Qward" figure - when there was virtually ALL of the DC Universe to choose from! Literally thousands of properties to choose from - and they pick THIS GUY?!? And, again, they threw in a Superboy from Earth-Prime, a Golden Age Superman and a Modern Age Superman (*sic* - can you say "supersaturation" yet?) but no pivotal characters who made their FIRST APPEARANCE in Crisis, such as Lady Quark (whom they killed off some time ago) and the Blue Beetle (the one they also killed off, only more recently) - from what I saw of it anyway?!? This is ATROCIOUSLY PATHETIC as a selection process!





Paradoxically, DC will overlook meaningful characters all the time - but not the slightest -and flimsiest- chance to cash in on something. DC's eagerness to DIRECTLY milk for all its worth the marketability of some mere comic-book moment frozen for all eternity (thus, exploitable, they figured - pun intended!) is not only bizarre as it is, it's also quite despicable (as a fellow Warner Bros. property would proudly say...!)
Case in point: the KINGDOM COME AQUAMAN "COLLECTOR ACTION FIGURE" (below)...
Although I obviously am one of those who always saw the true merit of the character, I cannot applaud the issue of this blatant attempt at cashing in on something without substance! If they liked the look that Alex Ross gave Aquaman so much - maybe they should have expanded the character a whole lot more in Kingdom Come, so that he made more appearances sporting this regal "King Arthur from Atlantis" garb - he could have starred in a spinoff wearing this as well, which would in turn legitimize the issue of a collectible figure afterwards...
As it is, the action figure commemorates a stunning PIN-UP drawn by Alex Ross, where he stands looking majestic next to a queen who isn't even his Mera but the formerly taciturn and enigmatic woman known as "Dolphin" who has since become another's bride...
(What, in this alternate future, she divorces the other guy and a KING of AQ's stature takes her BACK - in place of his true majestuous queen?!? NO WAY! But I digress...)



Having thoroughly bashed DC and all - one must say that the Marvel-ous competitor is not any better itself. They stand guilty as charged as well of trying to make a fast buck off any sort of apparent novelty and eye-catching thingie there is to be found at any time in their sorry excuses for publications - banking on the fanboy-mentality of many avowed "comic-book geeks"...


In doing so, they come up with the oddest concepts of all... Two (or more) figures per pack nowadays seems to be the norm - and the way to go too! At the prices they go for, toys better give the kids their money's worth, and then some! Alas, oftentimes, better work and greater thought was given to the packaging than to the toy itself! Above, it seems that the "high concept" driving that overpriced thing is to pit Namor, the Sub-Mariner who wishes he was as regal as Aquaman (he needs more clothes for that) up against a HAMMERHEAD SHARK? You're supposed to be their champion, Namor-Bozo! What would possess you into fighting one of your own domain's denizens? (Ah - yes, of course! They are NOT yours - they are Aquaman's! And your frustration, that they love another master more than they ever could you, drove you over the edge, finally... Well, PETA will be on your case soon, pointy-ears! Sure, Aquaman was pitted against a Great White Shark in the late 1970s too -Roy Scheider wasn't available that day; or he'd lost too many limbs at that point or something- but that was DC trying to cash in on ANOTHER John Williams music-enhanced mammoth cinematic blockbuster: JAWS, duh! Their prerogative. Case closed. NEXT!)



Another problem soon emerges though, with Marvel;
The misuse of certain words!
It was annoying to see these same words being so carelessly thrown around in the wondrous (if absurd) world of wrestling: "icon" here, "legend" there...
You can imagine how ticked off the thinking fan can be to see these same words attributed to four-color characters whose only real attribute is the thickness of the paper they were originally printed on (and it is barely better than foolscap, most often! But I am digressing again...)


To see these prestigious titles being affixed to a cheap, diluted version of a totally bogus act, such as the Norse mythic deity of thunder, is quite very nearly unbearable I'd say... (Sure, there are far worse things out there in this world - but in the realm of toy thingies, this could take the cake - for now!) And now they came out with an ultra-muscled-up 12 or 13 inches tall version of that clod (Claude? I meant Thor - of course!) - surely to topple once and for all that inane Ken and conquer Barbie - the good ol'fashioned Norsemen way! (Which boils down to say: ravish her in a most barbaric way? Rape her and leave her for dead? It would not be beneath Thor, any Norse or Greco-Roman deity to do so, really - only I doubt the Thor doll is anatomically-correct! Not to mention the Barbies... More likely here, this is Toy Biz's way to show that Mattel's stuff is not up to snuff to their "taller than usual" toys - which is Mattel's niche, usually!)
The Captain America "ICONS/LEGENDS" edition (because ONE desecrated title is not enough; they had to be BOTH - at once!) shows a new side of ol' Cappo that no one had ever seen really... Unmasked, he appears so... Like the evil that he fought? He (totally fictionally) fought the Nazis - so why does he have such a Neo-Nazi/Aryan Supremaciste (!) air to him - eh?


Makes one wonder if his recent demise is not really A GOOD THING after all...
In fact, many believe that, with all the enemies they have been making for themselves, the end is near for the American Supremacy - I guess we'll see...

Maybe THEN - as in wartime past - resources will be put to BETTER USE than making such crappy overblown toys...!

UPDATE: oopsy-doo... Americana is not so deluded after all, not even in their comic-bookies; they just killed and buried Captain America! Just like that, he is HISTORY... Wolverine went through denial... Spidey through depression... Wow, they even know their psychology, the comic-bookie bookies; they went through all the phases of grief - to further milk it and make more bucks off a DEATH (100% bogus, but still - the concept is as reprehensible here as it was in the WWE "Vince McMahon was blown to bits" scrapped storyline!)

Labels: DC, SUCKS